O'Henry Popeland

"'Does O'Henry Popeland need to choke a bitch?'"

O'Henry Fuck Bitches Get Money Popeland (May 27, 1990) is an American stud, badass, heterosexual womanizer and fry cook who currently works at the North Hollow Beer Shack to support his woman, Cristal, and their upcoming baby.

Childhood
O'Henry's childhood was spent learning to be a true warrior. His uncle spent many an hour with him in the family shed, teaching him proper lady-loving technique, and years of involuntary boxing lessons with his father, Da, made him strong as an ox. A manly ox.

The Bitch-Fucking Years
O'Henry Popeland showed up at North Hollow Academy at the age of fourteen, and got out of paying admission all four years by impregnating the dean of admissions using only his eyes. Forsaking the weaksauce societies like the Black Dragons, Iron Maidens, and Order of the Sphinx, he immediately joined Mayhem and insisted on wearing his mask as a condom because nothing else was big enough.

The Getting Paid Years
Right out of high school, O'Henry was given a potential internship at a twinky factory. Outraged at the implication that he, O'Henry Fuck Bitches Get Money Popeland, would ever be considered a twink, he burned the entire thing down and bent the foreman's wife over a barbecue so he could fry himself up some titties while he had heterosexual sex with a woman. Which he did often.

More often than Jeff Breaux could ever dream of doing it.

The "Oh Shit, I Fucked This Bitch Pregnant, Where Am I Going To Get The Money To Pay For a Baby?!" Years
And then he got Cristal pregnant and had to be goddamn heterosexually responsible for her. Shit.